Sunday, February 13, 2005
I think I've more or less made up my mind to get into SMU and do mass comm and happily end up as a publicist. SMU, the university right in town, perfect for the city brat. Or so I think so far. I didn't say I've given up on designs. Alecia's doing arts still right? I'll take care of the public relations. Hahaha. Jerome is doing culinary, hmmm, okay he can cook to earn extra bucks. Hahaha, whatever lah!

Amanda just called me to ask me about xinwei. Haha, and on dharni. Dharni's beginning to feel that it's fake too. But it's so funny. He was so depressed but he said if I don't go and everybody knows, they're gonna laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh (amanda begins to speak here) and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh laugh laugh laugh. Hahaha, stupid kid. I'm having mixed feelings about it. If it's fake why would they bother to tell him there's a representative coming down? If so, why is the dude late? All the bestest friend. Anyway, she went on to tell me about what I asked her the other day. Hahaha, her friends and I have same thoughts and suspicions! Hahaha. Secret lovers!!! No lah, I trust my friend's taste 100%.

Somebody told me something about "you'll never know" yesterday. Haha, how imaginative and self-consoling that sounds. I've always been the initiative one or I'll never do anything at all. Why should I wait for something to come my way? If I said the earliest it would be is gonna be after As, so it will be. I've all got my plans ready till then. Stop spoiling it like before. Hmm, mixed feelings.

Alvin has been talking to me for the past 2 days. Now that I've heard stories from both sides, is it fair for me to judge now? Messages passed around wrongly, will you end because of that? What if such a communication goes on forever though the basis is still strong? But isn't that a lil too tragic? And now I wonder where is my National Geographic subscription. The more I see the uglier things get. I tell you numbers are addictive. I didn't mean to realise it was 44 days. And after which I keep on counting. Hahaha why am I keeping track? I'm afraid of the reminder in my phone going off to remind me of some things that shouldn't be reminded of.

I'm so used to lying. I lie about serious matters and matters that matter. Some things I just can't lie but I will not say, not in your face at least. Catch the hints sometimes if you're cool. I know you already know, must you really hear it from me? Isn't that cool that both just acknowledge it and not talk about it since I don't wanna talk about it? If I wanna live that fact alone so be it, respect that sometimes. I don't care about all the bitching that goes on behind as long as I don't have to get smack in the face by it. Maybe you have to realise that I've already seen it face-to-face before, more than once. Just because of curiousity, that's not gonna convinced me.

+mood+ headache
+listening+ underworld ~ pearl's girl