Monday, November 01, 2004
Hmm, how much do people really mind when they say never mind? Usually I really do mean never mind well except for once. I guess I'm the kind that mean most things I said, intentionally or unintentionally. Well when I say nothing it really means nothing. If you push it, it might just become something, something not very nice.

I'm sinking into dangerous dating games. If we take away the dating, it's just games and fun right? If it's just a stranger, how dangerous can it get right? I'll never need to face that person ever again anyway. Wasn't it like that all along? Why am I feeling guilty? I told Stu about my screwed games. He thinks I'm very bad, I think I'm very bad. So should I stop? Well, there's nothing much to do anyway. Just out to have some fun, I'm not getting myself killed. Am I? Let's just confess here I feel nothing for them. Okay let's confess further, and so I'm playing around with two people at the same time. Is that very wrong? Well I don't know how they feel actually, not as if I'm very bothered. Stu told me not to hurt myself and them. I won't hurt myself, do you think I'm stupid? As for them, I should guess I kinda know my limits. Not as if I'm fucking around and getting some girl pregnant. Hahaha, everything's under control. But I know I know, it's all so fake.

My reality check is long out of sight. Now I just spend time with myself watching serials and couching out. The sun is out there but it's not shining for me.

+mood+ i-need-a-shower
+listening+ eminem ~ lose yourself