Thursday, October 21, 2004
Today I keep having dejavu and flashbacks. Haha, AM I DYING!? Hahahaha. I don't know. I like to look back. It's great to have memories. It's not that I can't move on, I just like to look back.

I was thinking about cedar today. When I was still in my blue uniform. Certain parts of SA reminds me of cedar. Not physically, but just somehow similar. I miss my days in cedar. Everything was truly carefree, no matter what we went through. JC life is tough I admit. There were many things that happened in cedar I can never forget. Feelings grow even thought I kept complaining about how much I wanted to leave that place. I'm glad I'm no longer study there but I miss those days. The days when my piorities were clear and I could think straight. These days, my brain is just dead. The time I'm awake is getting lesser. My temper has worsen, I'm less able to take things in the right ways. What happened? I know I've changed. I became more emotional, I don't know why. I still can't care much I know, but after a while I'll start to think about that issue. Guess it was after someone who talked to me about this late last year though for now I really can't remember who was it. I think it was hoonie. It was actually just a casual remark. Haha, can't really remember.

Then I thought about jinghui I don't know why. Miss her so much. Haha. At least she's happy in CJC. She misses us too. Went past G5 today, was where I got to know shanshan and jinghui. Our pasta outing. Hahaha. Awww. Was telling stu that when did you stupid boys stop hiding my shoes. Haha, it just stopped all of a sudden. Still remembered they were quite amazed by my dunks and always hid them. I never really cared lah but zhijian always decipher that as I'm pissed and he'll just put them back for me. Hahaha. Why do I miss the 1st 3mths so much? It seems as though it was the happiest days of my life. Is it because I'll never go back there again? How about cedar? Is it because it was a much longer period? I really got no idea for this. I seriously miss him alot in band, miss all of them alot alot alot too. Things are just never the same again. It is not possible anymore.

I am not depressed seriously. Just amazed how things happen. How things come and go. It really proves my point. He never believed in come and go, he thought I was being very heartless. Well, I am not, I face the music. I am not carefree. I choose how I see things. Things are never too tough to handle. You know, I want to remember just the happy memories. But the sad ones are too overpowering. Am I demanding? Wendy assured me that I'm normal just that I've got suicidal dreams. Hahaha. Wendy is so sweet lah, it's quite out of the blue she became close to me since last year. Yeah, how things come and go.

I don't think I'm dying. Hahaha. I HOPE NOT!

+mood+ nostalgic
+listening+ alicia keys featuring usher ~ If I Ain't Got You