Sunday, September 26, 2010
I haven't explore the functions in blogger quite properly but I found someone who cared about my worries about 5 years ago. Haha. An anonymous commenter, thank you, although it's five years late.

I have been consciously thinking about not thinking. Hahaha. It's almost a sense of guilt. Do I have far too many small regrets in life? Or do I have nothing meaningful that I can hold on to? Perhaps perhaps. Sometimes I wonder if I have been overly happy all my life that I can't handle sadness. I mean I'm not depressed, I can't take sadness seriously. I'm a tad upset about that, funny?

Well, I say every other day that I wanna be a rockstar and live my moment. I kept missing the moment these days. I keep regretting about many things, big and small, but really nothing major. Because they're all small things, they become ant bites. Sore but not fatal but sore. And yet, I can't point out the specific pain.

After years of saying I wanna run away, I realized you really can't. You already know, unless you knock yourself out and suck some memory out, you really can't. Ahh, I would knock myself out. Do I want to check some things off my list, yes I do. Be a lil braver, and so I kept telling zou-san.

Ah even my closest friends say they don't understand me. Haha I'm doomed to be never consoled. I'm quite tired these days. Oh not emotionally, I'm tired physically. I hope to hear more happy stories from the rest of the world. I was very happy when I found out about Lemon the other day. Maybe I've lost a lil bit of myself into this but I found a lil more through something else too. Forces of the universe still balanced.

Keep cheering!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hello been a while.

Crazy busy still, though a lil happier being busy these days!

Am I crazy to reject the offer? I am not even that sure if my reasons are justified. Argh. Can I afford a 2 month internship? Oh ho ho.

Okay talk a lil more since I don't have many blog fans, there's not much of a point to talk in circles? Hahaha. "You wasted time on a chit chat" Sorry this line is stuck in my head.

HAPPY GRADUATION HUIMIN. What happened so far. I almost got a shock when Astrid asked where my thesis is. First impression was my thesis did not like academic, she overlooked. Ah, I'm not banging on a good grade now despite the amazing built-up of you improved the most in class. Sigh, never good in presentations and those final products. Sucks huh, I usually run out of stamina by then.

I am still going Tokyo in august to talk through my offer and look for other alternatives or say, better choices. Well it hit me one fine day when Riko said aren't you sick of your Japanese boss yet? Hmmm I thought about it and seems like I should explore another city now. I want to get lost in a city all over again. Not like I won't get lost in Tokyo, Tokyo Station is still a mystery to me. Seriously where does all these people come from! I don't want to be sick of Tokyo. Unless! I get to do some sort of underground cult fashion magazine design of the indie crowd. That's different then. Or if I can work for Fudge or Brutus...that's different then. Not even work, I'm honestly thinking of doing an internship. Well pretty much, I'm not strapped for cash or in a hurry to get suck into the rat race. While I'm still interested in doing my own stuff and funding my hobbies, I might as well have a go at it. While the drive is still burningggg.

I'm curious about Hong Kong and Seoul and Shanghai. Seoul seems like a quirky place. Assured by Sam recently. I'm just shortlisting it to the Asia side. If anything goes wrong or if I go uncrazy, I can come home quickly. But really I find Asian faces on the big names mag a lot more quirky, edgy than the usual, pretty much original editions. All of suddenly I am not that keen on advertising. Maybe it will come back one day, I don't know. But I wish I am more capable for the fashion magazines world. I am not even that sure what I can offer them. Is it a lil late to think about this, almost a month after graduating? Hahaha. Hush hush, I'm still rolling in the dough as of this minute. I'm not going crazy.

Should all of you be worried? Ahhh I don't think so! I have returned from my 101 adventures in one piece didn't I!? Am I too old for this? OF COURSE NOT! Will I apologize to Tokyo one day and go back to her cold hostile arms? Hahaha, maybe, who knows? Now now, let's just wait for some nice replies? I don't know. I haven't even sent out many mails yet.

Days of a rockstar. Slowly slowly beginning.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Seriously have not felt so tired before. I'm not kidding when I say my eyebags are taking over my eyes. The end is near, I'm glad. I know I shouldn't say this out aloud, but I really wanna take today off. I think I can afford it? I don't know. I'm done with pre-production, I need to get into production now. I'm scared of next week. Scarves and the photoshoot and the packaging. HOU MAI GAWD. Madness.

I'm tired. I haven't slept for days.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I'll tell you when I think you've forgotten.

I can't take jokes very well. Or I take jokes seriously. I don't quite understand the rules sometimes.

Uncertainty within is worse than broken.

I'm beginning to feel hopeless.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I suddenly miss the mad rush to the airports.

I'm skeptical to the departure to Tokyo. Should I? Young and dangerous. Live fast, die young, that's always the way right?

I don't know why am I thinking about this all of a sudden. Wasn't it the plan to escape as soon as possible. All of a sudden, I'm pondering about practical things. Hahaha, of all people and of all things. I started to think, if I'm to escape to France instead, or back to London. Dreamspot, Barcelona. Ahhh. And what's with all the revelation to my escape spots. I meant to disappear.

How to disappear completely?

I want to go back to Tokyo to fill those gaps that I've missed. And to be alone again. I mean with the language barrier, it's not that difficult, and it's more thorough. Maybe I'm still stuck in the comfort zone. I'm comfortable there. At the very least, I won't get very lost. Should I surprise my parents?

Ahh.

What were you thinking of when you ran away?

Monday, February 08, 2010

Feeling a tad emotional today after a pretty good read. It felt very real because there was no ideals. We are just so weak. It's true, there is such as a thing called impossible.

What do we make out of fate? It's purely logical and reasonable? If that didn't happen, this wouldn't happen. As much negative connotations I can relate to fate, there is this fleeting positive moment attached to it. Almost ephemeral.

What about regrets? Where do I stand for this particular emotion. As much as I loathe it, sometimes it's just inevitable. Let's just go through with it. It's a scary thought, scarier than death itself. Can I be brave enough to take regrets in its stride? Haha. I almost think if I'm brave enough, I wouldn't regret. Oh useless human beings.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Waiting for those few words to come round. Waiting for you to ask how are you today.

Waiting for you to ask if these tears were dropped for me.

Nah but I don't cry. It's a pity.

Final savior? Like a friend mentioned. I'm flattered.

But give me a chance today, to take a break from all these chaos.